Wisdom From Ben

"Everywhere I go, DAMN there I am."

-Ben Folds

Lawton speaks from the grave

''There's a feeling loose in the land of utter frustration and anger, stronger than I've ever seen it.''

-Lawton Chiles; Former Governor of Florida

God Bless America

"America... just a nation of two hundred million used car salesmen with all the money we need to buy guns and no qualms about killing anybody else in the world who tries to make us uncomfortable."

-Hunter S. Thompson

How times change

"I myself feel that our country, for whose Constitution I fought in a just war, might as well have been invaded by Martians and body snatchers. Sometimes I wish it had been. What has happened, though, is that it has been taken over by means of the sleaziest, low-comedy, Keystone Cops-style coup d’etat imaginable. And those now in charge of the federal government are upper-crust C-students who know no history or geography, plus not-so-closeted white supremacists, aka 'Christians,' and plus, most frighteningly, psychopathic personalities, or 'PPs.'"

-Kurt Vonnegut

On being right

"The worst tempered people I have ever met were those who knew that they were wrong."

-David Letterman

On having a plan

"Victorious warriors win first and then go to war, while defeated warriors go to war first and then seek to win."

-Sun-tzu, The Art of War

On the Republican message

"You still have to vote for us 'cause my opponent is a slug, and they're going to tax you into the poorhouse. On the way to the poorhouse, you'll meet a terrorist on every street corner. And when you try to run away from that terrorist, you will trip over an illegal immigrant.'"

-Former President Bill Clinton, on the Republicans' 2006 campaign

On Etiquette

"When you enter a room, you have to kiss his ring. I don't mind, but he has it in his back pocket."

-Don Rickles

On Law and Government

"Crime is contagious....if the government becomes a lawbreaker, it breeds contempt for the law."

-- Justice Louis Brandeis

Rock On Bush

"George Bush hates midgets."

-Chris Rock

On Qualifications for the Presidency

"Any American who is prepared to run for President should automatically, by definition, be disqualified from every doing so."

-Gore Vidal

He's the Governor of a major state

"It became mainstream, it became sexy, attractive. And this is exactly what has to happen with the environmental movement. Like bodybuilders, the environmentalists were thought of as kind of weird fanatics also. You know the kind of serious tree huggers. Environmentalists were no fun. They were like prohibitionists at the fraternity party."

-California Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger

On Eating Healthy

"What's the two things they tell you are healthiest to eat? Chicken and fish. You know what you should do? Combine them, eat a penguin."

-Dave Attell

Democrats and Republicans

"“A republican stands up in congress and says 'I GOT A REALLY BAD IDEA!!' and the democrat stands up after him and says 'AND I CAN MAKE IT SHITTIER!!'”

-Lewis Black

The Chairman of the Board on the man upstairs

" I believe in you and me. I'm like Albert Schweitzer and Bertrand Russell and Albert Einstein in that I have a respect for life--in any form. I believe in nature, in the birds, the sea, the sky, in everything I can see or that there is real evidence for. If these things are what you mean by God, then I believe in God."

-Francis Albert Sinatra

Find The Path

"I am still far from being what I want to be, but with God's help I shall succeed."

-Vincent Van Gogh

On salvation

"Saints fly only in the eyes of their disciples"

-Old Hindu Saying

Yeah, we're.... number...... 1?

"If you think the United States has stood still, who built the largest shopping center in the world?"

-Richard M. Nixon

400th Post

"Every government is a parliament of whores. The trouble is, in a democracy, the whores are us."

-P. J. O'Rourke

Honor among the stupid

"In a closed society where everybody's guilty, the only crime is getting caught. In a world of thieves, the only final sin is stupidity."

-Dr. Hunter S. Thompson