Thursday, May 31, 2007

It defies logic at this point

More from Sir Winston

"It has been said that democracy is the worst form of government except all the others that have been tried."

-Sir Winston Churchill

On Russians and Cyberwar

Pay Your Landlord

Sir Winston

"A joke is a very serious thing."

-Winston Churchill

House of Sunshine Music Extravaganza

Ladies and Gentlemen, Veruca Salt.

On the costs of living in sunshine

In the Sunshine state the Legislature is meeting to decide whether to drastically cut property taxes to ease the burden on homeowners. Now I understand little from the perspective of a homeowner because I have never been one, but this crisis has come about due to a vastly over-inflated housing market that is starting to stagnate. When the values of homes decreases further, the drastic cuts to the funds going to local governments is going to shrink further. If anything they should be passing laws that say no more fuckers can move here.

The legislature has been run by the Republican party for some time now, so I would expect there are no more boondoggles out their that need to be starved of funds. The State of Florida will be the third largest in terms of population in the entire union by 2010. They are not bringing their own roads, they are not providing their own schooling, and they are not policing themselves. I understand that it may be an expensive prospect to live in Florida, but that should be the deal. If you can't pay the club fee, go move to Arkansas. I have been pleased with most of what Governor Crist has done in his short time in office. But you cannot run the third largest state on bubble gum and strong resolve. Good luck cleaning up after a hurricane without all the cops the 67 counties will have to fire. But cheer up, it's sunny.

Monday, May 28, 2007

High pressure candle sales

I want to know when the Yankee Candle Company turned into Glenngary Glennross sales team of the month. The person that I share this floor with decided to leave some fast food out to long so I figured a candle would be a prudent investment. I went there for a candle, and decided on a flavor that was sufficiently manly. I'm suddenly face to face with one of these shiny happy people advising me that, "you can get the next size up, it's only three dollars more." I said I was good, and she moved on to the car bobbers. "Great holy ghost I'll take the damn bobber just let me leave!" Then as she is ringing me up, her associate approached. I guess she did not hear the conversation I had just had with her coworker, which is understandable in a four foot by four foot kiosk, so she looked at what I had bought and exclaimed, "you know you can get the next size up for just three dollars more." I grabbed my extraordinarily elaborate bag of scented things and rushed out of there with a passion, knocking over several sales displays of mango votives in the process.

Sunday, May 27, 2007

To Bill Brasky

Have a purpose in life

"Everyone has a purpose in life. Perhaps yours is watching television."

-David Letterman

House of Sunshine Music Extravaganza

Stereolab joins a select few to make repeat appearances in the Sunshine Empire.

Another Twilight Empire

It's 1:28 AM in the east and I only have a few thoughts. Memorial Day is here and we pause to think of all the men and women who have put on the uniform to defend the United States of America. Whatever you may think of the civilian leadership, our men and women sign up to defend the ideals that our founding fathers set forth 231 years ago, and I can think of no more noble a thing as that. My good friend Cindy went out in an Jimmy lacking in any armor on patrol in Baghdad, and she regretted having to leave. Others are not able to leave, and our prayers are with them. This war never had to happen, and certain people use these brave individuals for their own nefarious purposes, but that takes nothing away from their noble sacrifice for our freedom. Our prayers are with these fine folks and their families in hopes that one year from now, for the sake of the people of the United States and Iraq, this entire mess will be over. I sadly do not hold out much hope of that coming true.

Friday, May 25, 2007

Live from the Poker Room in St. Johns

A third party will come, but let's wait until the next commercial break

Washington politics has gone topsy-turvy this month. The conservatives are mad because of the new immigration bill, and the liberals are mad because of the compromise Iraq War supplemental because it lacks a time table for withdrawal. Nobody seems to like anybody these days. The middle is the new great silent majority in our new reality. The ranks of independents are growing faster than Artie Lang's waistline, and they are still without a standard bearer. Democrats are still scared of being labeled soft on terrorism despite the fact polls show the country trusts them over the Republicans. The Republicans cling like rats on a shipwreck in the face of overwhelming evidence that Iraq is the crowning jewel of fuck-ups this great nation has had. They do this because to pull back now is to admit to being responsible for making a bad situation a literal hell on earth. It's like a bad marriage, with two people who hate each other staying together for the sake of the kids, and the kids hate them both for it. The Republicans and Democrats need to go the way of the Whigs and Federalists. It's a shame most Americans are too caught up in a third rate singing contest to notice.

Thursday, May 24, 2007

Google Moon

Google is the lizard king, it can do anything. Check out for satellite images of the moon, just like Google earth. Make sure you zoom in as far as you can to find out the truth about the moon. This Memorial Day weekend, Jolemite, Biggus Rickus and myself plan to blow it up. The monkey will push the button.

Wednesday, May 23, 2007

New Shit has come to light

"... look, man, I've got certain information, all right? Certain things have come to light. And, you know, has it ever occurred to you, that, instead of, uh, you know, running around, uh, uh, blaming me, you know, given the nature of all this new shit, you know, I-I-I-I... this could be a-a-a-a lot more, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, complex, I mean, it's not just, it might not be just such a simple... uh, you know?"

-Jeffery Lewboski (The Dude)

On Fairies, Wiretaps, and Arabs

While reading an astounding story regarding Arabic translators in the United States military I was struck by a parallel. The United States is embroiled in a civil war in an Arabic nation. It is also in a struggle with a Sunni Arab terrorist group. One would think that having trained specialists that can translate Arabic would be important for those who claim this nation is in the struggle of the generations. Yet a staggering 58 Arabic translators have been fired from their jobs because they like to kiss boys, and they are boys. These dudes love to do naughty things in the darkened bedrooms of other dudes and for that they were summarily dismissed. The Pentagon has stated that they are only following the law as set by Congress. Whether you love Will and Grace, or think the Book of Leviticus is the direct law of God, one would think that you would make an exception for the good of the grand War On Terror. Alas no. Rules are rules.

Yet rules are made to be bent when authority wishes for them to bend. United States Federal Law states that the Federal Government cannot listen to a phone call when it originates or ends in the sovereign realm of America. If she wishes to do so the Federal Government must ask a court that says yes 99.999999999999% of the time. The President decided that the struggle against terrorism meant that the law needed to not only be bent, but broken completely. Some laws are bent, some are stubbornly adhered to, and some are broken by the President. It gives one the idea that the Administration is either lacking in competency, or they are criminally negligent.

UBL: Dangerous all over again

This week the White House released intelligence it says indicates that Osama bin Laden ordered then Al-Qaeda in Iraq leader Zarqawi to form a cell to launch attacks outside of Iraq. This was done to emphasize the need to stay in Iraq due to the "they'll follow us home" line of logic. By this I am to assume that they feel that this bin Laden character is pretty important, and that he is a danger to the United States homeland. Yet here is The Decider on March 13th 2002:

"Well, as I say, we haven't heard much from him. And I wouldn't necessarily say he's at the center of any command structure. And, again, I don't know where he is. I -- I'll repeat what I said. I truly am not that concerned about him."

The President is either incompetent and confused when it comes to this issue, or he is mendaciously trying to prop up his monumental failure of a policy in Iraq. Take your pick. Having an "agree with me or die" attitude to public debate is insulting to the American people.

Tuesday, May 22, 2007

Still A Classic

I just watched The Big Lebowski for the first time in a long time. That movie is still a classic. If you have not seen it you should. Really you should.

Sic Semper Tyrannus

Monday, May 21, 2007

On Government

"I believe that all government is evil, and that trying to improve it is largely a waste of time."

- H. L. Mencken (1880 - 1956)

The Gonzalez Caper

When you love to hate Clinton, but you're scraping off the W from your bumper

I found myself in a very interesting position today, reading This site is what Laura and Barney will be reading when every single American finally turns against the President. To say that it is right of center is to say that Strom Thurmond was old. As I read I was actually surprised to find some bit of reason among the right wing nut cake that fills the site. Yet it did strike me that everything bad that happens is always attributed to a Democratic administration, yet everything that has gone right in a Democratic administration was really only for the effort of the last Republican President. When you remind conservatives that it was a Democratic President that won World War II, they contend it was really a Republican general that did it. Clinton's economic boom is really the after effects of the Reagan years, but George W. Bush "inherited" the Clinton recession. So he essentially rode out Reagan's wave and then managed to set the beach house on fire in just one year. To most conservatives even today we are living with the insidious after-effects of the Clinton years, and the rest of America just only wishes that were possible.

Yet today, when even the blurplest of conservatives have trouble defending the President, I have the perfect marketing way out. Blame it on Clinton. I could see Mitch McConnel on the floor of the senate excoriating the Senator from New York for the odious scourge that her husband had brought. He had by the sheer force of his overwhelming popularity a full six years after he laid down the reigns of power, pushed down the President's approval rating. He did this because he hated America and wanted to aid a comfort the enemy, whoever that might be.

Yet as most conservatives begrudgingly admit that G-Dub is not quite Teddy Roosevelt, they arise in disgust when you discuss the 42nd President of the United States. William Jefferson Clinton inserted a cigar into the vagina of a consenting and of-age woman and then lied to a grand jury when asked about it in a trial that had nothing to do with said cigar. George Walker Bush violated a federal law that states any wiretapping of a call that occurs in the United States has to be cleared by a secret court that has approved almost every warrant application in it's history save for 6 that came from the Bush administration. They told no-one and they even went to a half comatose John Ashcroft in the hospital and forced him to approve the plan. Clinton received oral sex in a hideaway office to the side of the Oval Office in the West Wing of the White House. George W. Bush recreated the horrors of Vietnam in all new High Definition for the new millennium. The Federal budget was balanced under Bill Clinton. George W. Bush spends like a drunken French socialist. Bill Clinton is more of a Republican that George W. Bush ever will be. But they just enjoy hating him so much the just can't let go.

Sunday, May 20, 2007

House Of Sunshine Music Extravaganza

Army is one of The Five's best songs. This is a great rendition of a great song.

The Countdown is complete, now comes the ratings

With our presentation of all of our top ten comics, we would like to present final ranking of the members.

10. Ron White
9. Brian Posehn
8. Patton Oswalt
7. Mitch Hedberg
6. Chris Rock
5. Dave Attell
4. Dave Chappell
3. Daniel Tosh
2. Jim Gaffigan
1. Lewis Black

We would also like to present a list of Honorable Mention. These are comics that were difficult to keep out of the list. These include David Cross, Jim Norton, Sarah Silverman, Kathleen Madigan, Steve Martin, Don Rickles, Louis CK, Mitch Fatel, Dennis Miller, Redd Foxx, Joe Rogan, and last but not least, Norm MacDonald.

Friday, May 18, 2007

On Neoconservatives and their passion for war

It is a common refrain of those on the left that all the troubles in the world are the fault of the dreaded neo-cons. They lurk in corners and are at fault for everything from the Iraq War to the designated hitter. But one thing that I have observed is that they do share a common trait. They are in love with the idea of glorious victory in war just as the World War II generation had. The best comparison is the character of Lt. Dan, played by Gary Sinese in the 1994 film Forest Gump. Lt. Dan escapes death in the Vietnam war and is despondent about it for quite a while. He lays on the floor of the hospital with Tom Hanks' Gump and opines in despair that his destiny was to die in battle, just as every one of his ancestors had back to the War of Independence. Gump had robbed him of that by saving him. The neo-cons have a similar view. As their Grandfathers had won World War II, and their father's had won the Cold War, it was their turn to defeat the vast "islamofascist" conspiracy that had suddenly been discovered through the horror of the September 11th attacks.

This all is on my mind after reading a piece by Norman Podhoretz on Commentary Online. He attempts to make the case for bombing Iran. The underlying base of his concern for Iran, as it is for the majority of neo-cons, is a protective instinct for the State of Israel. In his building of a case against the Islamic Republic he begins by attempting to convince his audience that our present condition is really World War IV. The Cold War is his World War III. Calling The Cold War World War III is not much of a historical stretch, and first was done in a Star Trek episode I watched once. He states that Nazism was defeated in II, Communism was defeated in III, and what he calls islamofascism will be defeated in VI. World War V is tentatively being titled World War V: Electric Boogaloo. To prove this point Norman, who owes his entire career to his father's standing in the old Goldwater conservative movement, spends most of the article fighting an army of straw men.

To Norman, the Afganistan and Iraq wars are not monumental screw-ups, but simply the first steps in what had always been a path to Iran. They are the real source of evil in the world. He states correctly that Iran is a state sponsor of terrorist groups. But sponsoring Hezbollah hardly makes one the main source of terror in the world. I was told by George W. Bush that that was Al Qaeda. He states also that Iran is the center of Islamofascism in the world today. This is a common conservative crutch to throw around the fascism label uncontrollably. Considering Iran by all accounts has one of the most vibrant democracies aside from Israel in the middle east (that's not saying much considering the company. As Jon Stewart would say they are the the thinest kid a fat camp), and Saudi Arabia is just a chip shot away, they are hardly the center of totalitarianism even on their own damn block. This is not to say that the mullahs are a bunch of huggy bears by any means. I just think I've heard this story before, and I did not like the way it ended up.

Norman also talks of Iran's growing power. It's power that all comes from our actions. We took out her two biggest rivals in Hussain and the Taleban, and our meddling in the past election brought on the rise of Mahmoud Ahmadinejad. Ahmadinejad is the man that makes TV's Monk look like Elton John. He also says that the cannot be allowed to aquire a nuclear weapon because they will then basically conquer Western Europe all on blackmail and intimidation. Does he imagine that Ahmadinejad is going to fire off a nuclear weapon and hit Israel? He'd have to barely nick Haifa or else he is going to kill thousands of Palestinians, and that will go over super in the greater Muslim world. Is he going to blow up the place where the prophet Muhammad was taken into heaven according to the Koran? Even if he did do this, what happens after Israel launches it's roughly 60 warheads and turns the Islamic republic into radioactive badlands for 500 years. I guess in Norman's mind this is when Western Europe bows down in fealty to Ahmadinejad's charred radioactive corpse. And if this is not enough lets not forget the fact that Shiites do not believe in a caliphate, that being a Sunni phenomenon.

The fact remains, and I know very intelligent people will disagree, if we leave Iran alone they will eventually overcome the influence of the mullahs. They are certainly not going to hitch their train to George W. Bush, even Americans think he's an idiot.
This Iran talk is nothing more than an attempt to divert attention from the greatest foreign policy blunder in the 231 year history of our great republic.

Thursday, May 17, 2007

Hold out hope for the Creedence


"En guarde! That's French for 'shut up, you moron.' Don't cross swords with someone who knows how to use one."

-Don Rickles

Top Ten Countdown Extra Innings

As I included a Daily Show commentary piece and not true stand-up for Lewis Black, I felt you should enjoy this clip. This entire album is great.

The Final Member of The Sunshine Empire Top Ten Comics Countdown

Ron White's only problem is his lack of a broad catalogue of material. What he has kills and is great. I just wish he would put out more acts. His use of timing is excellent and the persona adds to the story telling. In the next few days look for our wrap up and ranking of all our Top Ten Members from One to Ten. We will also realease a group of honorable mentions.

The War On Terror, and Howie Mandel

How can we as a society hope to win the hearts and minds of the world back after the disaster of the Bush administration, while millions of us watch Deal Or No Deal. This shows more than any of the many myriad examples of cultural rot, that we have given up as a society. We don't even care any more. That waste of shaving products Howie Mandel, a man I thought we had left of the cultural dust heap of the 1980's, stands there and has people pick out briefcases with models standing next to them. I'm shocked that they even bother to clothe them. Why not light the briefcases on fire. The screaming family members and the I.Q drain that is Mandel may make for drama for some, but they are missing valuable time that they could be finger painting and we shouldn't keep them from that. I think if we follow the natural progression that took us from the Price is Right to Deal or No Deal it means that soon we'll all be riveted to the new game show where two people scream at each other, and the one that screams the loudest wins a million. At least I have a shot of winning that.

Tiger Mask

It's been a lazy day and I have not accomplished much, which must attest to the fact that I was caught watching professional wrestling. Professional wrestling is not the game it was in the past. There are many up and coming circuits that have major television deals. So I am watching TNA Wrestling, and they have a tag team match featuring a character names Tiger Mask. Just a dude in a mask that looks like a stuffed animal you would secure with one of those Carny style robot arm racket games. I don't have any more than that. Tiger Mask. That's just ridiculous.

Tuesday, May 15, 2007

Twilight Empire

Your Sunshine Empire wrap-up for today is just this thought. The Attorney General is an odious little worm. He was the crucible in which the change of our government to officially sponsoring torture as White House Counsel occurred. He was rewarded with the appointment to the Justice Department and he gets along with that circled wagons mentality. But if you slip in any way you will have the gun at your back. The AG spent weeks telling us that he could not remember the details of the U.S. Attorney purge. But the minute a Deputy Attorney General quits, "he did it, he did it, he did it." My God he has the integrity of mayonnaise. The difference being, mayonnaise is awesome. Some on the right have begun to quietly celebrate that the cloud seems to be passing when it comes to this affair, but understand to keep him only hurts. There is just another character in the Bush administration for Democrats to keep in campaign literature, commercials, and stand-up comedy bits for the rest of the term. If Bush would have fired Alberto at the beginning of this and just appointed Orrin Hatch to the job he actually would have come out of this stronger with his base and depriving the Democrats of a talking point. Mr. Bush has always been one to buck the tide, so he has not done this and kept his old buddy "the Judge" around for more trips to the ranch. There but for the grace of God go ye.

The TSE Rages Against the Machine

The Solidity of Pure Wind

"Political language -- and with variations this is true of all political parties, from Conservatives to Anarchists -- is designed to make lies sound truthful and murder respectable, and to give an appearance of solidity to pure wind."

- George Orwell, Politics and the English Language

The Sunshine Empire Top Ten Comedy Countdown is almost complete

Dave Attell is a master wordsmith with a singular view on life. His television show Insomniac is still one of my all time favorites. I tend to forget him at times because he doesn't make a huge effort to mass market himself, but he is vastly underrated in the Comedy discussion of most people.

Monday, May 14, 2007

On The Risks Of Growing Up American

"In America any boy may become President and I suppose it's just one of the risks he takes."
Adlai Stevenson.

Post #351

It's 1:01 in the morning here and I should go to bed, but there are so many topics worth discussing. Can Rudi Guiliani take as many positions on abortion as Hillary Clinton does on the Iraq War? Can we just drop all the fucking non-sense and call Joseph Lieberman what he is, a Republican? You can switch parties Joe, I did it. Is this starting to sound like one of those Larry King USA Today columns? Is American Idol still going on? Does Alberto Gonzalez speak like a cartoon character? Did the Reagan Administration have any idea of the whereabouts of The A-Team in the mid to late '80's, and did they assist in ending the cold war? I think it's time to call it a night.

The Sunshine Empire Top Ten Comics Countdown Part VIII

Mitch Hedberg was quirky but utterly brilliant. He seemed to be shy, which is weird for a stand-up comic, but he was really that guy you knew in Calculus. He really has the delivery of a white Cheech Marin, yet his take was universally understood. God rest that good man's soul. Somebody should shoot Harlen Williams though.

Sunday, May 13, 2007

A Little Dick Cavett and Jefferson Airplane in the Sunshine Empire Music Groove

This is one of the best versions of this song I've heard.

Mankind at a crossroads

"More than any time in history mankind faces a crossroads. One path leads to despair and utter hopelessness, the other to total extinction. Let us pray that we have the wisdom to choose correctly."

-Woody Allen

The Sunshine Empire Top Ten Comedy Countdown Resumes

Brian Posehn is known to most of us as the start of the Staples commercials or the nerdy guy on Just Shoot Me. He came to my attention on the classic Mr. Show With Bob and David. He has a dry lazy style, but his self deprecation and self professed "Nerd Rage," makes him shockingly funny and strong where most would just sink back in the comfort of being the big dumb guy over and over.

On Democrat Recalcitrance and the third way

In the fall of 2006 we followed the rise of the new Democrats and the fall of the Republican "revolution" after years of constant rule. The Republicans that had come to Washington with pitchforks and wild eyes looking to bring order to the corrupt chaos, had themselves become a fat class of corrupt lobbyist sycophants. The Democrats used the imprisonment of Randell Cunningham and the resignation of Bob Ney to paint the Republicans as rotten to the core with corruption. They proposed a series of changes that would clean up the Congress and make lawmaking a transparent process. Yet we still do not have a lobbying reform bill and, according to The Guardian Unlimited Online, Democrats seem to be dragging their feet on cleaning up the brothel the inherited. I was told that because of my personal leanings, I would have a hard time criticizing Democrats the way I was vicious with the corrupt Republicans of the 109th Congress. But this much is clear, if the Democrats blow the save on this one the risk unleashing a third front in American politics. There are some public figures that are all toying with this, and they could make a potent force if they joined together. A mix of Chuck Hagel, Michael Bloomburg, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Joe Lieberman, and Harold Ford Jr. All are able to speak to the American People, and are not really welcome in their respective parties. In Israel Ariel Sharon was able to do it with Kadima when Likud and Labour would not keep repeating the same mistakes over and over. It could be headed by Hagel, or even a governor like Charlie Crist of Florida. This combined with the fact that those identifying themselves as Independent is higher than in any other time. All somebody has to do is just go and take these voters. They are not in love with the Democrats and the Republicans have shown what a fucking bang-up job they are capable of. They are there, and if the Democrats do not take this corruption issue seriously they will just put another brink in the damn wall.

Friday, May 11, 2007

Jon Talks Middle East

I could not agree more with this man and his points on Iran.

Collective ADD

I'm sometimes afraid that American politics is suffering from our collective Attention Deficit Disorder. Our culture is in serious need of at least the 10 mg of Ritalin that I take to stay on the level. Both Democrats and Republicans operate as if the general public cannot remember past four minutes ago. Republicans almost stormed the steps of the White House in the late nineties with pitch forks (in case there was hay to bale) and torches demanding a timetable for withdrawal from the Balkans from the Clinton Administration, but see such actions as treasonous when Democrats do it. Democrats decry Republican scaremongering but told seniors they would starve and die if Republican policies were enacted during the mid-nineties. Republicans go on and on about how we would be enslaved if we were attacked when Democrats are in charge, conveniently forgetting that it was two Democrats that won the two World wars that our Nation has fought. Democrats prattle endlessly about how Republicans want to actively destroy the environment conveniently forgetting that it was Satan himself, Richard M. Nixon that created the Environmental Protection Agency. I did a survey of some of the partisans that I know to get to the bottom of this. Biggus Rickus blamed the Democrats and the Media, and Jolemite blamed the Republicans and the Military Industrial Complex.

Thursday, May 10, 2007

Hip Hop Nation in The Sunshine Empire

Not only is this truly a great song, it's also like every single rap video all rolled up into one.

The Players are in Town

We are going to take this opportunity to thrill you with a torrid discussion of Golf. In this part of the world golf is a sport played almost everywhere by every strata of culture. This place in Florida is also the home of The Players Championship. The world generally considers that there are four major golf tournaments. The Masters, The United States Open, The Open Championship(British Open) and the PGA Championship are the grand slam of golf. Many have often called The Players, the fifth major championship. Yet it does not rise to the level of the previously mentioned titles. But look at the facts. It has the largest purse on the tour ($9 million), FedEx Cup points worth as much as the four majors, a legendary hole known across the golfing world (the 17th island green) 80 of the top 100 rated golfers in the world, and now a prime place five weeks after the Masters, and five weeks before the U.S. Open. But who would make the decision as to The Players being officially considered a major championship? The PGA Tour? A joint declaration by the heads of the four major tournament organizations; the PGA of America, The United States Golf Association, Augusta National, and the British? And what if that did happen? There would be repercussions across the record books. Some golfers that retired without a major title would suddenly be major winners. The amount of majors that Jack Nicholas has would increase and put the record further out of Tiger Wood's reach. Tiger has won one Players though. But he would no longer hold the distiction of holding all the major titles at once, because he did not win a Players during that stretch. In any case there is no arguing with the stature that the tournament has.

Lil Duval Sings Romance Songs

With the Players Championship in town this week we thought we would take a break from our comedy countdown to bring you Lil Duval. He has a certain way with women.

Wednesday, May 09, 2007

Midnight Music Madness with Air

These French gentlemen will be part of any Top Ten Bands Countdown if we ever have one. We are still extremely jealous that our friend Jolemite got to see them in P-Town a short while ago. Still, this was an astounding performance of this song from Air.

Self Esteem Is Important

"Because sometimes the only way you can feel good about yourself is by making someone else look bad. And I'm tired of making other people feel good about themselves."

-Homer Simpson

The Sushine Empire Comic Countdown Rolls On

Too many times in our culture people state that a public figure is not afraid to take on certain issues, yet they really only timidly put their toe in the water and point to a soaked digit proudly. Chris Rock is pure power comedy. He is more than happy to jump into the most toxic of issues, and does not do it to shock either. His takes on politics is better than his racial takes, but not what I think most know him for.

Biggus and I beat the dead horse of media bias

Biggus: Okay, you can test your theory on Rupert Murdock controlling Fox News' content. He wants to put more global warming shit on his networks, so if the news channel starts doing hysterical global warming stories there's your proof.

me: I don't think Rupert "controls" fox news. I think he gave Roger Ailes (Fox News Chief and former Reagan aide) his marching orders and he figures it out
Sent at 4:31 PM on Wednesday

Biggus: Isn't that "controlling"?

5:59 PM me: I think Murdoch has set instructions to what the general editorial tone is, and probably has the right to call down to the newsroom like a baseball owner would call the dugout, but I don't view him as some micromanaging puppet master
6:00 PM I have no problem with Fox News being conservative, and he was a consumate business man in knowing that there was an untapped market that he exploited. I have a problem with them declaring that they are some kind of middle of the road organization.

6:01 PM Biggus: And yet you refuse to see the rather obvious bias of other networks.

me: to say both FNC and CNN are both biased, is like saying both Trevor and Andy Dick are gay
6:02 PM it's a matter of how much

Biggus: So wait, you admit there is a bias? I guess that's a start.

6:03 PM me: there is as much bias at CNN as the average person has. Fox News is a virulently partisan outfit.
6:04 PM To say that a company that employs Glen Beck is Liberal is laughable
and Nancy Grace

Biggus: Riiight. Editorial shows are exactly like news.
6:05 PM Can I use Olberman as proof of everyday bias for MSNBC then?

me: On Fox news Sunday, Brit Hume who is an anchor, is on the opinion panel. There is no such example of Wolf Blitzer, or Paula Zahn being part of a panel giving their personal opinions

6:06 PM Biggus: Hmm. I would wager there is an anchor, somewhere, on a panel show.
6:07 PM And even if there isn't, are we unclear on the political leaning of pretty much every major anchor?

6:08 PM me: Brian Williams doing a few too many remotes from NOLA is about as close as I can come to knowing. Couric is a face, and I don't watch ABC

Biggus: Of course, anchors don't really write anything, so it's really a non-issue in their cases beyond general story ideas.

6:09 PM me: I will say MSNBC's use of Olberman to anchor the debate coverage was inappropriate

6:10 PM Biggus: I don't really give a shit. I just want mainstream news people (which Olberman is most definitely not, just so you don't call me out) to stop pretending there is no bias. And the fair and balanced Fox tag is dumb too. Which I've told you many, many times.

6:11 PM me: I don't really know how we fell into that argument, but it was probably my fault

6:12 PM Biggus: Technically I spurred it by pointing out that there was a very obvious test for your Murdock Influence Theory.
6:13 PM Fox is the only network that doesn't indulge in histrionics about global warming. If that changes, there's unassailable proof that Murdock essentially dictates coverage.

me: I've never thought I made Murdoch out to be a boogie man. He was my favorite member of the A-Team

Biggus: Is it spelled with an 'H'?

6:14 PM me: not the same guy?

Tuesday, May 08, 2007

On the Meaning of Life In The Universe

"There is a theory which states that if ever anybody discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable.
There is another theory which states that this has already happened."

Douglas Adams

Midnight Music Special on The Sunshine

This is total bullshit.

Seriously she's got a great voice and all her parts are still real.

The World Movement against the Exclamation Point

I would love to be able to come to you and report that the revolution against the tyranny of the exclamation point was growing in numbers every day, but I cannot. I can however report that I have seen less and less of the absurdity that I had observed at the beginning of the year. Maybe I have to think of myself as the A-Team of of the fight against the exclamation point. In the shadows, but ready when needed.

More on The Sunshine Empire Top Ten Comic Countdown

Patton Oswalt is like a slap in the face, and he reminds me of what my old roommate at The University of Florida would have to look like now. He is also the only comedian that I have heard make a joke about the novel 1984. Not just a joke using catch phrases like newspeak and orwelian, but about strangling a prole after too much victory gin. High minded gutter humor if you will. This video is bad but this bit is classic.

Monday, May 07, 2007

Our Heavy Friend's Take on America


We here at The Sunshine Empire enjoy media commentary a great deal, and also love to see bias in action. When news came that conservatives where building a new site to counter YouTube due to perceived liberal bias, we decided to investigate. Our site depends heavily on YouTube and feel it is a fantastic addition to the web as a whole. In no other time in our culture have we been able to sit around and talk about that series of commercials about those two English chaps falling in love over cheap coffee circa 1987, and be able to view it withing a matter of moments. But this is serious business and we set to find out.
The search for bias in YouTube started with a search for clips from Fox TV's Family Guy. Who hasn't checked out a clip from Peter, Stewie, and the gang and had a good laugh. But lurking under the surface is a hideous liberal conspiracy that could have our children eating hummus and reading the communist manifesto in no time. Many might have seen the episode where Peter decides that he is going to be a redneck, because redneck culture is supposed to be in since we tolerate NASCAR and Larry the Cable Guy. But tucked into the episode is a 5 minute long segment where Lois argues for socialized medicine, and gay marriage. Not the kind of San Fransisco values I expected from Quahog.
The investigation moved to video blogs and pulled up a series of Lonely Girl clips. This young lady became something of an underground legend according to Hector in accounting who just thinks she's the best. We've fired Hector. But we came across a clip that started out as an innocent rant about how really, really, really, really, really boring her town is. Yet like a car wreck she just hops on her bed and in a threatening manner starts to demand that condoms be passed out in elementary schools, and that stem cell research is the cure to every disease. This was all starting to become clear. We could see that they may have been right. But we wanted to be positive, so we ventured on.
On we went until we came across a video of Ted Kennedy in a sun dress watching Newhart re-runs and we were convinced. YouTube is a liberal organ of the, George Soros, Media Matters, Trilateral Commission conspiracy against the good God fearing people of the real American Heartland. We should have had faith.

Sunday, May 06, 2007

Learn To Break The Addiction

As great as that is it is the same premise as a great Hollow Men sketch but just substitute Marlon Brando.

Saturday, May 05, 2007

Everybody's wearing black

Live from goth prom at eclipse.

Thursday, May 03, 2007

Ramblin Guy

Golf and Goethe

It is impossible to imagine Goethe or Beethoven being good at billiards or golf.
-H. L. Mencken
US editor (1880 - 1956)

Jim Gaffigan on The Top Ten Comics Countdown

Jim performed at the Florida Theater and put on a great show. As a Catholic I love his take on Catholicism. His use of the lady voice is a great way to comment on himself. He plays the brash insensitive lazy person, and the lady voice comments on how inappropriate the bit is.

On the charms and good looks of Mitt

There are times that I am in a state of such relaxation I have to drastically alter the emotional state of my being. At times like these I take a look at The Drudge Report. This awful pile of tripe actually was at one time the site that I viewed the most times in a day or given week. When the fog cleared from my mind I moved elsewhere for my news. But Drudge featured an interactive poll question that looked the work of some seventh grade programmer using a Tandy. It was a flash poll of who the viewer thought won this evening's Republican Presidential debate. The majority of the respondents gave the nod to former Massachusetts Governor Mitt Romney. Mitt Romney is the Republicans version of John Kerry. Man born into privilege, held major elected office, cartoonish hair, they both share many things. But namely the evil little word electability. Mitt Romney is about as conservative as Nathan Lane standing naked on a street corner in San Fransisco. But he ran the Olympics, moved to Massachusetts again and suddenly he was Ronald Reagan at 55 to so many people, and I have no idea why. I once considered myself a Republican, back in the limited government, fiscal responsibility days. Those days seem as elusive as taste at a Toby Keith concert. I think I understood what mainline conservatives thought and valued, but not any more. This man was very clearly pro-abortion and was on record many many times. But now he runs for President as a Republican and he's piously against it. When asked his explanation amounts to, "oops, I just changed my mind" I find it hard to believe so many seem to be moving to support him. Guliani amounts to some putrid one hit wonder band. He was really popular for a very brief moment, after having been hated before, and he's really just been working that angle ever since. The former Mayor is also very pro-gay and pro-abortion. Nobody wants to discuss the desperation of the Republican party. I don't really understand it. It's as if they see rats running of the ship so they are setting fire to the place. The only true conservative, and this is a stretch, is Newt Gingrich. Many expect him to be a candidate and that is not good to have him as the most genuinely conservative candidate in the field. But the man crush support of Romney just has me confused.

The Other Sunshine Empire

These guys better treat the name right.

Wednesday, May 02, 2007

Sunshine Empire Top Ten Comedy Countdown Continues

Dave Chappelle is a brilliant stand-up and a pure technician at his craft. His inflection and voice are used perfectly and his timing is pure textbook. I've never read this textbook but I'm sure it's a good class.

Tuesday, May 01, 2007

A Major War, settled on the playground

No matter what your feelings are on the matter of the War In Iraq, this evenings proceedings in Congress cannot leave one without the overwhelming feeling that they are all a bunch of schoolchildren. We live in one of the most advanced societies in the world. The country is the oldest of the modern democratic movement with a Constitution unchanged drastically in that time. But the pomp and circumstance that surrounded the passing of the Democrats' war spending supplemental with a withdrawal date they know will never be signed, and the President's tantrum amounting to "give me what I want or nothing else no matter the reality around me" just felt a bit ridiculous. It's like they all sit up there no matter the side and just fiddle away as Baghdad burns. I know the Democrats finally seem to have some balls when facing the President, but it still seems they keep them taped to the sides of their legs. Nothing on this issue will change until September, and by then we should either see Iraqi schoolchildren with chocolates and gumdrops, or even Barney and Laura will be arguing for reality.

NFL Draft 2007

This weekend marked the two day spectacle that is the National Football League draft. I watched it on and off, and listened to it in the car as the day went by. I was really only focusing on who the Jaguars would take, and although I think they should have taken Brady Quinn, I do think they got a can't miss pick in Reggie Nelson. But after the picks have been made I can come to this overall conclusion on the draft, everybody seems to have more players.

Comic Countdown Preview

Lewis Black is a master. Here's a little Back In Black

STP in TSC Music Flashback

The Stone Temple Pilots perform with my hero David Letterman.

This song will be featured on the forthcoming Sunshine Empire: The Official Soundtrack. Available in stores soon.