Monday, June 04, 2007

In the UFC Octogon, to decide the Presidency

I listen to a great deal of Howard Stern and Bubba The Love Sponge while driving during the day, and they constantly talk about UFC, Ultimate Fighting Championship. Now very quietly to the average sports fan this has crept up to a status almost on par with boxing in terms of money made. I know very little about what it looks like, and that Joe Rogan is the announcer for the broadcasts. But I thought that if we are going to stretch out our Presidential electoral cycle out two years, then the people who want to perpetrate that on the American people should be forced to physically fight for it in the Octagon.

You would have to seed the contestants at first, so you would see first round laughers Obama vs. Dennis and Clinton fighting the old Mike Gravel. I imagine Clinton dressed like Chun Li from Street Fighter. In the other bracket you would have a huge match-up between Rudy and Fred. That's got to be more dangerous than dog grooming day at the Vick household. Sam Brownback would still be eaten alive by McCain even though he's 97. The brackets would inevitably come down to a Fred Thompson vs. Barak Obama match-up for the ages. The winner will be revealed in the upcoming Spiderman 4: Shiny shit, just buy the ticket asshole. That should hit theaters in September of '08, then we can all text our votes and watch American Idol all day, or watch the neighbor kick the shit out of his lawnmower.

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